(PTSD Counselling 16)
"Do you hear the false dichotomy there?"
I raised my eyebrow. We were talking about my perfectionism. My need to be best. The impossible pressure I put on myself, the impossible standards and expectations. The intolerance for failure. The fear of disappointing people. The impossible pursuit of perfection.
"You only give yourself two options: either you are Perfect or you are Not Good Enough."
"Yes. Correct," I replied waiting for her to continue.
I didn’t see a problem with those options.
I DIDN’T SEE A PROBLEM WITH THOSE OPTIONS.
(One is impossible their other feels shitty! Those are crappy options! These are not the only options! There are a million shades of Being in between, my logical brain knows this, but there is this part of me that still won’t apply that logic to my own expectations for myself. THERE ARE A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH THOSE OPTIONS!)
I defended my perfectionism, I gave it credit for my successes.
"Yes, that’s your perfectionism taking credit for your work. Your perfectionism is not very kind to you. It is possible to have high expectations for yourself and still treat yourself with kindness."
I have a lot to learn. (And that’s okay.)
(SEE! I AM LEARNING!)